Aug 30, 2023·edited Aug 30, 2023Liked by Bronwyn Williams
A topic I am particularly interested in, and one that should be discussed much more, given its current and potential future impact...
.
I am doing research for a topic that I, for now call, "What does it mean to be a man in today's world?", and from some of my readings (my words) -
A growing number of men:
do not feel needed;
don't have purpose;
are confused with what is expected from them;
are staying boys for longer;
how much of the above is based on fewer men going through some form of initiation/rites of passages - moving from boyhood to manhood.
.
I believe that it takes a village to raise a child. The child will become part of the future community to raise the child, and so on.
"Back in the day", women had responsibility for the village, and men for the safety of the village, i.e., food, wares needed by the women, and protection.
Women’s responsibilities included taking care of the children.
At some age, boys would undergo some forms of rites of passages, where after they became the responsibility of the men of the village.
.
Even today, “Every culture in the world has some way to mark changes that happen throughout people's lives. Birth, death, unions/marriage, entering adulthood, mating and reproduction - these are all examples of significant changes, or rights of passages…”
.
One example, “A Bar or Bat Mitzvah is a coming of age ceremony for Jewish boys and girls when they reach the age of 12 or 13. This ceremony marks the time when a boy or girl becomes a Jewish adult. This means that they are now responsible for their own actions and can decide for themselves how they would like to practice Judaism.”
1. The older of four children, I was raised by a single mother who literally worked herself to death, taking care of her family, village.
I had to help raise my siblings, and together the four of us had to take care of the village when my mother was at work.
The disciplines of school homework, cleaning, cooking, laundry, etc., prepared me for the future.
2. Conscription. This might be controversial, but it is true for me.
Going to the army after school aged 18, did me “the world of good”.
.
Thanks to my mother, and the village I was raised in, I have no doubt about the ability of women. No women, ever, must stand back for a man.
Similarly, men must understand that there is no competition; together we are just so much better.
.
This brings me to roles.
The role of a man is to be the best possible man he can be. Within that, he must decide how to do that.
The same applies to women.
.
Should a man and a woman decide to become lifelong partners, they together must agree on how they will in a complementary-to-each-other manner, become the best man and woman they can be.
As they move through the phases of life (I prefer phases of life, to age), they continuously need “to take stock”.
Two people’s life is very different from two people having a child, or a dog or cat, for that matter.
.
For men to –
feel needed;
have purpose;
know what is expected from them;
and become men, move from boyhood to manhood,
it might help to know what they want in life, get meaning and purpose.
.
And if it means being a stay-at-home dad, so be it.
As long as both parents understand that being parents is a phase of life, it ends, and then it’s only the two of you again.
.
Throughout our daughters’ schooling, it was my responsibility to –
Makes sure their lunch boxes were ready, the night before;
Clothes were ready;
School bags were ready;
Homework done;
I even did their hair, till they could do it themselves…;
And I dropped them off at school.
.
My wife and I are in our 31st year of being married.
From day one we combined our income. We each get the same amount of “pocket money”.
Hair, nails, clothes, etc., are budgeted for separately. Pocket money is for spending by the individual on what they want.
From day one it has been my responsibility to clean up after meals, and do the dishes. This still happens today.
.
I suggest people look at this topic as a phase of life, and not life as a whole…
I think the stereotypes were getting smashed not by gender roles flipping, but by people noticing that each family unit has a distinct dynamic that just makes it "work."
But yeah, a family should be able to live comfortably on a single income. Maybe the powers-that-be are making it impossible to do so with the purpose of destroying the family unit.
A topic I am particularly interested in, and one that should be discussed much more, given its current and potential future impact...
.
I am doing research for a topic that I, for now call, "What does it mean to be a man in today's world?", and from some of my readings (my words) -
A growing number of men:
do not feel needed;
don't have purpose;
are confused with what is expected from them;
are staying boys for longer;
how much of the above is based on fewer men going through some form of initiation/rites of passages - moving from boyhood to manhood.
.
I believe that it takes a village to raise a child. The child will become part of the future community to raise the child, and so on.
"Back in the day", women had responsibility for the village, and men for the safety of the village, i.e., food, wares needed by the women, and protection.
Women’s responsibilities included taking care of the children.
At some age, boys would undergo some forms of rites of passages, where after they became the responsibility of the men of the village.
.
Even today, “Every culture in the world has some way to mark changes that happen throughout people's lives. Birth, death, unions/marriage, entering adulthood, mating and reproduction - these are all examples of significant changes, or rights of passages…”
.
One example, “A Bar or Bat Mitzvah is a coming of age ceremony for Jewish boys and girls when they reach the age of 12 or 13. This ceremony marks the time when a boy or girl becomes a Jewish adult. This means that they are now responsible for their own actions and can decide for themselves how they would like to practice Judaism.”
.
(For a few interesting “Coming Of Age Traditions From Around The World” – https://www.imperialpalacebanquethall.com/coming-of-age-traditions-from-around-the-world/)
.
My “coming of age” was two-fold –
1. The older of four children, I was raised by a single mother who literally worked herself to death, taking care of her family, village.
I had to help raise my siblings, and together the four of us had to take care of the village when my mother was at work.
The disciplines of school homework, cleaning, cooking, laundry, etc., prepared me for the future.
2. Conscription. This might be controversial, but it is true for me.
Going to the army after school aged 18, did me “the world of good”.
.
Thanks to my mother, and the village I was raised in, I have no doubt about the ability of women. No women, ever, must stand back for a man.
Similarly, men must understand that there is no competition; together we are just so much better.
.
This brings me to roles.
The role of a man is to be the best possible man he can be. Within that, he must decide how to do that.
The same applies to women.
.
Should a man and a woman decide to become lifelong partners, they together must agree on how they will in a complementary-to-each-other manner, become the best man and woman they can be.
As they move through the phases of life (I prefer phases of life, to age), they continuously need “to take stock”.
Two people’s life is very different from two people having a child, or a dog or cat, for that matter.
.
For men to –
feel needed;
have purpose;
know what is expected from them;
and become men, move from boyhood to manhood,
it might help to know what they want in life, get meaning and purpose.
.
And if it means being a stay-at-home dad, so be it.
As long as both parents understand that being parents is a phase of life, it ends, and then it’s only the two of you again.
.
Throughout our daughters’ schooling, it was my responsibility to –
Makes sure their lunch boxes were ready, the night before;
Clothes were ready;
School bags were ready;
Homework done;
I even did their hair, till they could do it themselves…;
And I dropped them off at school.
.
My wife and I are in our 31st year of being married.
From day one we combined our income. We each get the same amount of “pocket money”.
Hair, nails, clothes, etc., are budgeted for separately. Pocket money is for spending by the individual on what they want.
From day one it has been my responsibility to clean up after meals, and do the dishes. This still happens today.
.
I suggest people look at this topic as a phase of life, and not life as a whole…
Deep thoughts there - Responsibilities and purpose are entwined
Hey, a guy can do the home cooking too.
I think the stereotypes were getting smashed not by gender roles flipping, but by people noticing that each family unit has a distinct dynamic that just makes it "work."
But yeah, a family should be able to live comfortably on a single income. Maybe the powers-that-be are making it impossible to do so with the purpose of destroying the family unit.